I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
