So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
