A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
