I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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