we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
