i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
