I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
