It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
did i walk over a car last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
