I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
