how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize