Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
