Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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