my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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