Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
