He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
