why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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