JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
