I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
