And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
