You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
