I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
