watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize