before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
