Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
