dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
