Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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