Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
