this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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