3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
