I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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