Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
