I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
