I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
