You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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