He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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