Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
