weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
