Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize