Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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