My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
