When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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