I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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