I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
