ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
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She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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