Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
