my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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