Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
