i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
