Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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