I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
