party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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