How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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