my phone needs a breathalizer
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sorry my hands just texted you
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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