My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
