Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
