I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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