Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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