i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
