new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
