Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
