who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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