I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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