I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
