Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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