So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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