i barfeds in our rink
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
