I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
