That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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