I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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