You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
